Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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