My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
