I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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