You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Please, let me fuck your mom
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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