I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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