C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
