I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
