I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
