...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
