hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
