there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
