Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
