He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
