I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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