I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
