I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize