girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
