dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
