You're my little dorito
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
