There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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