I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize