he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
