First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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