so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
