i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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