It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
