I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
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Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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