So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
