Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You ruined the universe
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
