If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
