I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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