Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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