he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
