shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
