I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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