I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
