I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
