my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
