I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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