shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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