my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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