do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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