I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize