I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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