I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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