I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
