I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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