So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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