It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
