I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
