1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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