the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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