if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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