i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
