I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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