there's paper in my vomit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
