We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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