My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
