This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
