Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
