I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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