Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
