i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm passing your future prison.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
