I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't turn off my feet"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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