I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
