I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he puts the penis in happiness.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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