I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
