I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
