Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So much rum. So many feels.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
