i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
