This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
