good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
