I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
