you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just gift wrapped bread.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
