he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
