I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
