Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
