is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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