She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
