So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
